


A Blaze of Caffeine

by Naruthirnith



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffee, Crack, M/M, do not take this seriously, light fluff, they're dumbasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 17:03:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18554029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naruthirnith/pseuds/Naruthirnith
Summary: Honestly Alexander never realised his coffee problem was that bad, not until his usually very considerate boyfriend stole his cup which may have caused all hell to break loose...Co-created with Altalee96





	A Blaze of Caffeine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Please don't take any of this seriously, it's crack and not meant to be taken to heart. Because of certain details this had to be a Modern AU 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! Thanks

It’s not that Alexander wasn’t happy to celebrate his very dear Jack’s birthday, but it wasn’t exactly fair that Jack’s father Henry had only sent enough cake for Jack, though Alex would debate that. He supposed Jack was just homesick and the cake reminded him of Mepkin. Though Jack stealing Alex’s morning coffee as he finished the last of the cake really was taking it too far, and so Alex stood staring at Jack, daring him to comment on said coffee. 

“Thank you dear, the coffee goes nicely with the cake.” Alex felt his jaw drop. He walked over to Jack and tried to look to see if the mug was empty but Jack held it above his head. Alex pouted.

“Now you’re just being rude,” Alex whined, turning to walk away. He turned his head to look back at Jack who stood there with his brows raised. Alexander honestly didn’t mean to turn and run at Jack but really, nobody stands between Alex and his coffee. Yes, he could’ve just made a fresh pot, or even wandered down to Starbucks but where would be the fun in that. Jack must’ve realised what Alex was doing because he lifted the coffee higher. Alex tried to jump to reclaim his mug but instead the top of his head made contact with Jack’s jaw and his knee with a most sensitive part of Jack’s body. They both stumbled away from one another, the pair of them ending up on the floor at opposing ends of the kitchen. “I am so sorry.” Alex said rubbing his head where it had made contact with Jack’s head. Jack raised an eyebrow, he stood and walked slowly over to where Alex sat on the floor. Jack pulled him up and then whispered in Alexander’s ear.

“I thought I’d help you up off the floor but I’m glad you’re familiar with it as it’s where you’re going to be sleeping tonight.” Jack stalked away from Alex who stood staring at Jack’s back. 

“B…but you stole my coffee and you didn’t share any cake, I was provoked!” Alex stammered after Jack. 

 

The rest of the day passed normally, it wasn’t until Alex and Jack were huddled together on the sofa that Alex was reminded of his punishment for something that really wasn’t his fault.

“I dug out a couple of blankets for you, they’re on the dresser in the bedroom.” Jack murmured into Alex’s mildly uncontrollable red hair. Alex looked up at his usually very loving boyfriend. 

“Wait, you were serious? But the floor is wood, it’ll be so uncomfortable!” Alexander protested sitting up. 

“You know what else is uncomfortable?” Jack asked, Alex knew he wasn’t really mad but guilt still hit him. 

“Jack I said I was sorry.” Alex replied putting his hand to Jack’s chest. 

“I know and I accept your apology, Alexander. However, you behave positively feral where coffee is concerned.” 

“Coffee is my one and only weakness, you should know this by now.” Alex nodded severely.

“Your one weakness? Hmm...” Jack replied, shifting Alex gently and standing. Alex watched the muscles in Jack’s back as he stretched, okay, maybe Alex had one more weakness… 

“W…where are you going?” Alex questioned not taking his eyes of Jack. 

“To bed, now remember Alex, you are sleeping on the floor.” Jack smiled, damnit he’d caught Alex staring. 

“Fine, but don’t blame me when I can’t move.” Alex replied huffing. Jack considered this before replying. 

“Correction my dear, it will help your posture, which has suffered considerably recently.” This was technically true after all, leaning over his laptop all day every day was going to have some effect, we can’t all go riding , like some extremely privileged South Carolinians can… 

Alexander sighed and switched over to the news. But that was a gloomy and depressing as usual so after a couple of minutes he resigned himself to his fate and wandered across the hall to bed, or rather, the floor. Jack was sat up reading his medical textbooks, it was one of his endearing habits, despite his father all but forbidding him from studying medicine and being halfway through his law degree he still read his medical textbooks. Alex smiled, and despite being confined to the floor he sauntered over and kissed Jack gently on the top of his head. 

“I really am terribly sorry my dearest.” Alex whispered against Jack’s head. Jack leaned up toughing his nose to Alex’s. 

“I know, but you’re still on the floor.” Jack replied. Alex stood straight again.

“I have already accepted my fate, you need not keep reminding me.” He replied dramatically as he spread the blankets on the floor.

 

After a largely sleepless night Alex had finally gotten to sleep when he was awoken by a pillow being thrown at him. 

“Wakey, wakey Alexander.” Jack chirped as he stood beside Alex’s ‘floor bed’. Alex glared up at him.

“No.” Alexander mumbled turning over so that his stomach was against the floor, separated only by a blanket, enjoying his ability to completely wallow in self-pity.

“Well then I shall just have to drink the whole pot of freshly brewed coffee myself.” Jack said, Alex heard him walking away. It wasn’t until Alex had changed for the day that he fully comprehended what Jack had told him. He was going to drink the whole pot of coffee? Surely not? He wouldn’t be that stupid…would he? Alex shook the thought from his head as he walked into the kitchen. 

“You didn’t mean it when you said you’d drink the whole pot, did you?” Alex stopped in his tracks, leaning against the kitchen counter was Jack, who was currently shaking so hard Alex almost laughed. Apparently he was that stupid.

“W…..why…d…d’you…ask?” Jack asked between shakes. Alex moved round to look at the moka pot, it was empty. Alex wanted to hit his head against the cupboard door.

“Because my dearest, that coffee is Death Wish Coffee.” Jack looked at him, his expression quizzical. He looked nauseous.

“S…so?” Alex couldn’t comprehend how Jack couldn’t comprehend what Alex was telling him, but Alex supposed he was probably too busy trying not to have a heart attack. 

“So, if a Starbucks coffee has 330 milligrams of caffeine in a Grande, Death Wish Coffee has 728 milligrams in a cup four fluid ounces smaller…making it pretty dangerous to drink a whole pot…” Alex explained moving Jack over to a chair. 

“M….my….h…ea..rt…beat…feels…f…funny…” Jack stammered. Alex looked at him concern rising… It was looking increasingly likely that Alex was going to have to call Jack’s father and tell him his danger prone son was in the hospital again… Jack’s father, Henry, happened to be in town, so at least that made it easier for him to turn up and fill forms in.

“You know what, let’s get you to hospital…”

“N….no…I’m…f…fffine.” Alex rolled his eyes, Jack probably was fine but he wasn’t going to be the one to tell Henry that his son had gone into cardiac arrest because of some stupid argument over coffee, it wasn’t even an argument, more like a farce. 

“Mmmhmm, of course you are, come on.” Alex put a coat on Jack and grabbed a lunch bag just in case Jack decided to projectile vomit in the back of a taxi.

 

Explaining the situation to the hospital staff was not easy, for starters they though Jack was a junky coming down from a high, it took Alex a few minutes to explain to them that actually the shaking and nausea was as a result of Death Wish Coffee, not anything else and that actually they should probably check his heart rate instead of staring incredulously between the two. 

“I…I…I’m…o…ok..ay.” Jack mumbled to the doctor, Alex patted him on the arm.

“You’re lucky you’re not going in to cardiac arrest dear, but of course you’re fine.” The medical team that looked as exasperated as Alexander felt, explained that they were going to give Jack activated charcoal and fluids to treat him and that he hadn’t quite ingested enough caffeine to give him a caffeine overdose but that it was still a nasty reaction. Jack eventually fell asleep, much to Alex’s astonishment, how could anyone fall asleep with that much caffeine in their system? With Jack asleep Alex built up the courage to call Henry Laurens who was probably still asleep, because apparently everyone but Alex was asleep, it was a Monday morning that neither Alex nor Jack had classes on, why wasn’t he tucked up warm in bed… 

When Henry eventually answered the phone Alex heard a long sigh on the other end of the phone, by this point the only reason Alex called Henry was when something was wrong. 

“What has the idiot done this time?” Henry asked, Alex didn’t like Henry calling Jack an idiot but at this moment in time it was hard to disagree.

“He drank an entire pot of Death Wish Coffee, because he apparently has a death wish…” Alex explained shifting slightly to accommodate Jack’s head which had decided to become acquainted with Alex’s shoulder. 

“I’ll be there in a minute.” Henry said sighing heavily once again. 

 

Henry arrived surprisingly fast, clearly just as concerned about their idiot as Alexander was. 

“How on earth did he manage to drink an entire pot of that strange coffee?” Henry asked looking down as his still sleeping son, Alex couldn’t help but smile when Henry checked Jack’s temperature. 

“Honestly, we’re both just really stupid sometimes.” Henry just nodded, Alex thought it was rather rude of him to agree. Jack stirred on Alex’s shoulder, he jumped slightly when he noticed his father looming over him, but recovered from the apparent shock quickly enough. 

“Hello father, lovely morning we’re having?” Jack smiles as if nothing had ever been wrong, though he still looked pale and like he might pass out at any moment. Henry ends up having to sit down for a moment.

“Honestly sometimes, I do wonder how we’re related…this is one of those times.” Alexander could tell Henry wasn’t being serious but he still figured he’d better give them a moment.

“I’ll just go stand out here for a moment…” Alex murmured, Jack pouted at him but didn’t complain. 

 

As pay back for a stressful and extremely worrying start to the week Alex demanded the stop at the nearest Starbucks because he needed coffee. Though of course Jack was on a month long caffeine ban both for his health and as revenge and so he was ended up with a hot chocolate, but with marshmallows and cream as a treat because hospitals aren’t nice for anyone. 

The next month was one of the best for everyone, Jack’s temperament was better (much to the relief of others), Alexander was thrilled by the fact that Jack wasn’t anywhere near as grumpy or hot headed as usual and Henry had the first month in a while where he didn’t get a worried phone call from Alexander telling him Jack was in the hospital. 

But all good things must come to an end and as the month without coffee ends, all hell breaks loose once more and Henry Laurens feels one step closer to a nervous breakdown, because his favourite child is a bit of a dumbass.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> The coffee nerd stuff is due to me being a former barista and I know too much about coffee for my own good...


End file.
